Let's Stalk Rex Jupiter (+Giveaway!)

Title: Let's Stalk Rex Jupiter

Author: Allison Specter

Series: NA

Date Published: 2015

Publisher: 1888

Format: Paperback

Genre: Humor

Source: Goddess Fish Blog Tours

Synopsis:
Trouble’s brewing in the Evergreen Jungle. When controversial author Rex Jupiter plans a visit to a Bellingham bookstore, news of his arrival attracts the attention of the mysterious Paladin, who plans on leading a mob of rioting housewives against him. But the Paladin has competition. Sleuth-extraordinaire Marian Krause has her own bone to pick with Jupiter as she scrambles to solve the death of a woman who has stolen her identity. Rex may think he has the situation under control, but when the wrath of the local Druids is incurred, pitchforks and torches may be the least of his concerns.

~Character Interview with Rex Jupiter~

The infamous author known only by his alias, Rex Jupiter, has announced that he is breaking his decade of anonymity, and will be appearing at Hometown Books in Bellingham, WA.  Rex Jupiter has been described as a “troll’s troll” with inflammatory titles designed to systematically confound and infuriate as many people as possible.  His undifferentiated lambasting of humanity has earned him a loyal following from a surprisingly broad swath of readers.  

This fictional interview takes place at the beginning of Let’s Stalk Rex Jupiter, shortly after Rex has revealed his intention to go public.

Thank you for letting us interview you today.  Tell us a little bit about yourself.

Oh, sweet, sweet wonderful Unabridged Andra’s.  Thank you for enabling me.

Don’t you mean interviewing you?

Interviewing!  Yes, that’s the word.  Thank you for finding it for me.  I’d be lost without you.

Have I mentioned today how much I love being interrogated by a stern, lady-womanist-writer type? It reminds me how magnanimously progressive I am to lower myself to this interview.  Oh so debasing!

No, just…no.  I’m not going to tolerate misogyny in any form, even if it’s ironic.

What’s an irony?

Pff, you’re no fun.  But okay.  You’re the boss…

As I was saying, I’m so pleased that you have decided to interview little ole me, and have agreed to allow me to use this forum to advocate for a cause we both believe in—

Yes.  Universal literac—

Man-on-badger love!  From the moment I laid eyes on your website, I knew that in my heart of that you too felt the sweaty Call of the Badger!

Badgers?  I don’t think…

Oh, don’t be shy, my bloggy turtledove.  It’s a very important modern issue that I think isn’t portrayed with enough sensitivity in the mainstream media.  But you—you understand what it is to be loved by an angry, misunderstood mammal that just wants to burrow into the earth to avoid deep emotional turmoil.

So, is this your way of telling me that you don’t want to share anything about yourself?

Clever girl (by which I mean you’re a charmingly bloodthirsty velociraptor so I’m totally not being sexist)!  Yes, I’m afraid that my true identity will only be revealed during my grand appearance at Hometown Books in Bellingham.

This will be your first in-person appearance.  Why Bellingham, and why now?

Well, first of all, Bellinghamsters are so adorable.  I just want to see their little vegan faces go all technicolor with indignation when I preach my totally reasonable pro-dart-gun-zombie-fetishist-badger-loving-hobbit-wrestling-one-percenter agenda.

Also. I’m a shameless pragmatist. I’m looking for a stunt to get an even higher proportion of the delicious attention I didn’t get as a child.  But between you and me—I might have a secondary motivation.  A secret agenda, shall we say.

Think about it.  All the most obnoxious sweaty-faced men of this nation are saying horrible things all the time.  I say horrible things all the time.  There’s no market differentiation.

Sure I get royalties, but incognito I can’t really sell myself can I?  And I thought to myself, man, I’m in the wrong business if I really need to hide behind a pen-name.  I could be doing so much more with my life.  I could be president!

So are you saying you’re going to make a bid for the presidency?

Oh, I didn’t say that did I?  Oopsie doodle.  But no, I’m not going to run for president.

Or am I?

Your work has been called controversial, even offensive.  What are your thoughts on that?

Yes.

Care to elaborate?

If I did, you’d end the interview.  And I did promise my publicist I’d be on my best behavior.

You’ve systematically alienated Christians, all known ethnic groups, women, vegans, soccer moms, liberals, conservatives, Green Party, libertarians, Unitarians, druids, and amateur uke players. Who would you consider the target audience for your work?

Um… self hating members of all those groups you just mentioned?  Duh!  Cause, man, there’s nothing like a self-hating libertarian soccer mom to get your motor running in the…right, no misogyny.

Okay—how about this. My target audience are people who are willing to laugh at themselves.  By which I mean real American flagellant patriot occupiers— with laser eyes.

That’s my target audience, baby!

Right…. Do you have any safety concerns?

You mean because the Coalition for Families and Values is planning a protest?  Nah! I think most people need a good old-fashioned straw man to scream at and shake their fists at a little.  I’m glad to serve that purpose, but I seriously doubt that anyone takes me so seriously that they’re going to want to physically attack me.  Maybe there will be some name calling and egg tossing, but I think if people weren’t willing to laugh at themselves a little, my books wouldn’t be so popular.  So if you are a crazy nut-job and you plan on going berserk on me or my fans during my unveiling, um, don’t do that, bro.  Trust me, I’m not worth it.

I know your real identity is a closely guarded secret but can you gives us any hints about the man behind the books?

I thought I just did.

What is some advice you’d give to a fledgling author?

The world is an amazing, diverse, and beautiful place waiting to be defiled with your terrible, terrible words. Be disgusting and horrible and people will shower you with attention. Push envelopes, piss people off, keep it real.   Oh, and if you want my mentorship, be sure to send naked pictures to the following PO Box—

Yeah…thanks for interviewing with us today. Any final thoughts?

Well, first off I never thought I’d be interview by someone in a metal bikini before, so that was titillating beyond belief.  I’m a married man, but that was just sexy good fun.  What?  Oh, c’mon, I was just playing!

Fine.

Blah, blah, blah. Believe in yourself.  If you work hard and do what you love, you’ll be the most popular hobo on your block.  Don’t stick your tongue to frozen flagpoles or glory holes.  Watch out for the Vegan Mafia.  Keep it real!

Um…amen?

~Try an Excerpt!~

The Paladin knew just where to go. The Shipment had arrived an hour beforehand if his Intelligence was to be trusted. It could be. His Sources never failed him. He was sure the payload would be kept in the stockroom before it was added into the inventory. And he was correct.

The Paladin grabbed a box cutter from the pocket of his cape. It was hard to see in the dark and the eyeholes of his Guy Fawkes mask were too small, but these were mere trifles. Soon, dozens of the Heretic’s novels of Shameful Smarm would be loaded into his bag and artfully recycled in a socially responsible manner. No longer would readers be burned by the white-hot radioactivity of the inflammatory passages he knew lurked within those covers.

Passages housed within chapter titles like "How to Fan a Flame War," “White Privilege Rocks!," and “I Objectified Your Mama (and She Loved it).”

Whether the appropriations of the tools of troll-dom were ironic or non-ironic, it mattered little to the Paladin. The only thing that mattered was that he would soon be the agent through which a great Cultural Transformation would take place. And a glorious new age would dawn…

Or something like that.

But for now, he would start small. Yes, for now, he would have to be satisfied that the five hideous cardboard cut-outs of the arrogant, smirking Rex Jupiter would be hacked to—no, wait! Only four would be shredded. On the fifth, he would draw devil horns and a twirly moustache with, dare he imagine it, Permanent Marker.

~Meet Allison!~ 

Allison Spector was born and raised in the hedonistic playground of the Jersey Shore, but finds herself oddly allergic to spray tan. She is a proud graduate of Goucher College, and started her environmentally-focused career in Washington DC in 2005. She moved to the Pacific Northwest in 2008, and fell in love with its beauty and people. Allison is currently on a Midwestern Adventure and is determined to live as much life as possible—to accomplish her dreams one at a time—and to nurture her loving family, and blaze a trail of wit, whimsy, and eccentricity wherever she goes.
 Allison will be awarding an original copy of the book, with notes and diagrams, to a randomly drawn winner via rafflecopter during the tour.

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